140 Plus

They say those who can’t do, teach. I say, those whose creative imagination is limited to taking the same picture over and over again, will charge you $800 to point a camera and snap blindly at your wedding.

Wedding photography is not the only profession that lavishes dollars on its people for their lack of talent, but according to one of my friends who is a real photographer and artiste it is one of the “10 most overpaid professions in America,” just after earning billions to rape the American economy as a financier.

It seems that people are aspiring wedding photographers just like they are aspiring writers. People think, “Oh, writing is easy—-I write emails. I write postcards when I vacation off in Atlanta. What a great way to become the next J.K. Rowling!” People think, “Oh, taking wedding pictures is easy. I use my iPhone to snap pictures of my Chocolate Chip Paradise Pie at Chili’s. No problem. What a great way to make $200 an hour!”

Now please note. I am not slamming people who have an eye for photography and take awesome pictures just to help their friends out and because they enjoy it. I think that’s wonderful. Also note: I know wedding photographers who are legitimately gifted and I am in awe of their pictures and think they can charge as much as they want to because artist should be paid for their gifts just like writers. Here is one such photographer. Last week when my fiance left me to go to the horrible city of Washington, D.C., I looked at her blog and wept sentimentally.

There are unwritten rules about wedding photography and no one ever deviates from them.

There is the “Bride Holding Bouquet Out in Front of Her To Remind Everyone It Cost Her $150 Fucking Dollars To Buy It and It Is Awesome”

There is the “Wedding Party Jumping Up Into The Air Because This is the Kind of Thing Normal Adults Do All The Time Especially When They’re Wearing High Heels And Are Risking Breaking Their Ankles To Do So” shot.

Occasionally people get creative. Here is a couple reenacting their idea of Twilight. It is sexy. Just the kind of thing you will hang on your wall when you’re 80 years old and baggy.

Here is a bride who thought it would be a great idea to be photographed in her underwear wearing plastic high heels with feathers stuck on them. …

Multiple Times.

And sometimes the photographers do CRAZY things with the editing. Like put the whole thing in black and white and just turn the rose petals a shade of red only found in the minds of people with truly vivid imaginations.