For those moments when profundity overflows 140-character thoughts.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
Like all well-behaved American brides-to-be, I am a member of The Knot.
Reading The Knot as a bride-to-be is like when you have a headache and you google “symptom headache” and become convinced that you suffer from meningitis, multiple sclerosis and tempro mandibular joint syndrome all at the same time. If you are a bride-to-be with only a moderate level of constant and gnawing anxiety, reading The Knot as a bride-to-be makes you realize you are far less worried than a self-respecting bride ought to be.
Take today’s topic, “MY BRIDESMAIDS ARE GOING TO LOOK BETTER THAN ME!” The quandary here is that two of the bride’s BMs have 23-inch waists, the “MOH” has “dropped 10lbs, and is drop-dead sexy” and the one person the bride was counting on to look worse than her—the SOB (er, Sister of the Bride)—has dropped 20 pounds while the B2B has gained 10.
(The Knot has also introduced me to a world of useful abbreviations to refer to the various players in our wedding drama. BM = Bridesmaid. MOH = Mother of Husband. DH = Dear Husband but I get it mixed up with the baseball term on occasion and think Designated Husband. I thought I had seen MIL as a variation on MOH, but that doesn’t make sense since she is not yet your mother-in-law so I have taken to calling my future mother-in-law FMIL. Change one letter there and you have the same problem that this young woman has. Her FMIL is a MILF.)
I had not considered the possibility that my BMs, MOH/FMIL, MOB, SOB, DJ*, MC**, WC*** and DH would look better than me but now the thought has stricken me with terror. A friend assures me that I am only showing all the classic phobia signs of a blonde marrying into a family of brunettes and that I’m subconsciously overwhelmed by the solidarity of their hair color.
This would be a good question to pose to the B2Bs on The Knot: “WHAT IF I AM BLONDE AND I AM MARRYING INTO A FAMILY OF BRUNETTES? WHAT WILL I DO? PLEASE HELP.”
Just in case they’re not worried. Because they should be.
*Disc Jockey
**Master of Ceremonies
***Wedding Caterer
